So there I was, sitting in Izmir, Turkey, overlooking the sea. I love the Aegean. Yeah, in my own mind. The truth is I was not at the Aegean yesterday. I was not in Turkey. I was with Asli, a daughter of the town of Izmir and her husband Ilgaz – at their home in Georgia. But I have to say that last night I was in Turkey. First of all, when we arrived, you cannot imagine what we saw: On every surface there were ingredients: cheeses and four kinds of seafood and lamb and walnuts and several aromatic oils…
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(Episode 27, Breathing Out Stars Podcast) Before I begin I want to say a thing about carrying on. It is said that at the top of every mountain is the base of the next mountain. This is a super important lesson for us to get – that when we finish something, accomplish something, we are not done…it is just time to start the next thing. When I reached 25 episodes it was a lovely benchmark. A milestone. Not an easy thing in a difficult time. But rather than resting on my laurels I sat down immediately and began episode 26.…
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I am not the first to write about a wedding and neither will I be the last. My story is personal. The story of life cycle event in pandemic. The story of entitlement, perhaps. The story of change. This is the story of what we do, sometimes, while we process, process, process our life’s transitions while the world is in flux. Our daughter, Bells, told us from the beginning that everything would be blue. That I would be wearing blue, my husband’s suit was to be blue — that flowers would be blue and my shoes would be blue. Everything…
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It was the most indulgent of rides. We scheduled a three-stop-transport…from upper Brooklyn down to his neighborhood…and then to the airport. Sure we could have taken the train. But not today. When A was in the car we discussed graduate school, summer plans, ideas for October. When he got out, after the kiss and hug and goodbye and the “don’t slam the door” I said to the driver…good afternoon, how is your day going? “It is chilly, Spring, lovely,” he said. Then he offered, “ah, your big holiday has just ended.” “I know this”, he said, “because all the cab…
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“I would imagine us at the fair, walking hand-in-paw, sharing an ice cream...carrot, of course.”
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Being Human - Childhood - Difficulty - Family - Food - For fun. - Light - Loss - This really happened.
The Snow Cake
“They were the same little people whose snowy socks went around and around my dryer...”
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I have given away our extra pantry items, our blender. We are down to the our tiniest bone of soap. Seven months. We had a text in the middle of the night. Someone we loved very much — gone. Reservations made. Ticketed. I am in the school office. Today is my last day, I tell them. But I have brought little cookies, biscottini, to my classmates and my teacher. I explain to them that I have had a death in my family. Oggi e’ il mio ultimo giorno, I say. Today is my last day. Tears are streaming down my…
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Weeks ago, before we arrived, I was talking to someone about our upcoming adventure. “You know”, she told me, “my friends S and D did this a few years ago. They were just like honeymooners”. Later that day I was talking to R. I told him what she had said. “Guess what?”, I said. “We might be like honeymooners!”. ”yeah”, he said. “Like honeymooners with bad backs.” I have to admit this just poured all manner of cold water on my optimism…but optimism I continued to try to muster. Amidst the onslaught of feeling I described in This Piece,…
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Being Human - Blessings - Darkness - Difficulty - Family - Fear - Hope - Light - Loss - Safety - This really happened.
The Fire and the Roses
Eleven years ago we were getting ready to leave the house for the first seder at Jane’s house. Russ was just finishing the mowing of the lawn, our table was set with china and crystal for the next evening at our house. I heard a crackling sound coming from the kitchen. I knew that I wasn’t cooking that evening…so as I entered the kitchen I saw about a foot of smoke undulating at the ceiling above the door to the garage. I went outside and found the wall between the house and the garage aflame. Quick-thinker that I am, I…
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Among the adventures I have always wanted but never told was to be here, where I am. When we drove up we saw elk and moose and snow on the peaks. This, of course, ridiculous because I am so relieved that at home things are finally green and blooming and spring….but the snow on the mountains still makes me go “ahhhhhhh”. After yesterday’s odd restaurant encounter we decided to try the evening at the hot springs….and it turns out that I am old and fussier than I used to be about germs….and now I understand that I am truly a…
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It was late afternoon and we hadn’t eaten since early morning. We were driving the TransCanadian highway and came to Canmore. We were super starving. Oh, I said, pointing….let’s eat at that place. The building was golden yellow which is sometimes a good idea and there was parking. And outside — a jackhammer. Like a machine gun…but with more concrete dust. We walked into the restaurant. Also yellow. Oilcloth table covers and green chairs. The owner was trying to drown out the jackhammer by playing loud music: “sexual healing”. The white board advertised Bison…
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I woke to a dream where I was on the street in twilight. With my little child. A son or a daughter, perhaps. The sky was losing light. The day had been long. It was much too late to be out with such a baby – it was time to be home. But this one had their arms up in the air and was crying, “book, book”. “up, up.” We were outside the library. Its doors closed to the day. “Book, book”. They cried. There was the memory and allure of story time – a part of a perfect morning…
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Being Human - Blessings - Childhood - Darkness - Difficulty - Family - Fear - Hope - Light - Loss - Uncategorized
Watch me reading The Hospital Bed.
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To write this, I wrote it five times — and then a sixth. It was still a mess. I printed it out and with my green pen. I scratched out everything. Well, almost everything — so I could start again. I haven’t been able to think straight – too much on my mind. I needed a little something. Then I woke this morning thinking of garlic. If you use a little garlic it is amazing. It adds that special something to everything you eat. It is almost magical the way it transforms a dish. For some, garlic is their favorite…
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Yesterday they brought a hospital bed into my father’s house Of course, in the past few weeks he has been declining and now he doesn’t have the strength to get up. But he did try, anyway. And of course, he fell. Dad has always been so independent…wanted to do things his way….so now he is being offered containment. With high rails on the sides, it is his worst nightmare:: a hospital bed. The guys from hospice took apart his own bed–the same one that I crawled into when I was young and had nightmares. The same bed where I slept…